Thursday, May 10, 2012

Doing life...or something like it

Oh. My. Goodness. It’s been awhile, huh? I have so missed blogging! But since I’m just now getting internet (hello stone age) at my house (which, as you might have imagined…is in the sticks) I’m back!

So, what have I been up to the past…um…six months or so? Well, let’s see if I can give you a little update.
Job status: unemployed
            side note: pounds gained since unemployment: 3
Relationship status: single
Side note: idiots who take me out on a date and “forget” to tell me they have
girlfriend: 1 (but isn’t one enough?)
Additional side note: men whom I am attracted to who are emotionally unavailable:       unlimited
Last time I had a good work-out: …………………(my point exactly)

I think that pretty much covers it, don’t you?

Oh, now don’t go and think I’ll be throwing myself a pity party anytime soon…not because I don’t do that from time to time, but because I just threw myself one last Saturday. One in which my best friend refused to attend with me. But that was a good thing because sometimes you need friends who won’t throw on the pity party hat with you, but ones who will say “This party sucks! Let’s go somewhere else!”

I suppose I could get all depressed. But, at least for the day, I’m not feelin’ all “woe is me”. Maybe it sounds silly, but I think it’s because I watched this video on YouTube about this guy, Ben.

I will break the video down for you in a Letterman-esque list of 10.
1. Ben got fat.
2. Ben got sad.
3. Ben got inspired.
4. Ben started running.
5. Ben, like Forrest Gump, kept running. 
6. Ben lost weight.
7. Ben lost a lot of weight.
8. Ben became happy again.
9. Ben says you should do life.
10. Ben says if you want to do something, all you have to do is just do it.
I like Ben. And because I’m not all technologically-savvy and know how to post a link to the video, you need to look up the video and watch it. Just type in “120 pound journey” or “Ben does life”. I mean, the video combined with Coldplay’s song “Fix You”…just break out the Kleenex. Ben also has a blog that I follow quite regularly…well, since my internet is up and running now. I like his story (and him) because he’s real. He’s not perfect. He eats pizza. He works out. He slacks off. Then he gets back up and starts again. Now, for me, THAT is motivation. It’s not about being a perfect robot that never screws up. But rather, it’s about picking yourself up after you realize you are doing more talking about changing than actually doing something about changing.

It sure is easy to think about changing, isn’t it? It’s fairly easy to make a list or journal or daydream about starting to change and what that change would do to me if it ever came to fruition. But, for me, it is kinda hard to get started. And when I do get started, I almost psych myself out by anticipating when I will, in fact, fail. Then I fail (and feel like an epic failure) and just don’t want to try again. I mean, who wants to feel like the loser who keeps failing over and over? I’ve felt like that too many times to count. And when I feel like that, I tend to just mentally and physically tap out. I become a gross slob surrounded by fast food sacks and to-go Styrofoam containers. My house turns into filth because I have passed the point of caring. Simple things become such an inconvenience. I’m even too embarrassed to say how long a sink full of dishes stayed in the sink. I don’t want to take any pride in myself by fixing my hair or putting on my make-up. I want to revert back to the newborn stage: sleep, eat, poop. Except my mind is far more advanced than a newborn because I start engaging in all these “my life is so horrible” thoughts. I compare myself to others and just upset myself by wondering what is wrong with me that I’m not married at 32 or don’t have a set career or that I’m not as thin as I want to be. All the negative thoughts just hit me like an emotional tsunami. And when I’m in this zone, it’s almost like committing a living suicide. I am existing. But I’m not living. I am, by no means, as Ben says, “doing life”. And boy, is that depressing or what? I’m going to let you in on a little secret…I’ve been sort of going in and out of this for about eight years now. But, the whole time…all I had to do was just do it. I heard once that whatever you feed…will grow. I mean, not too hard to grasp that one. However, I was feeding all my “I can’t change” thoughts. And they grew. Again, both emotionally and physically. It grew into this ugly monster.

But I could change. I can. Whatever the change may be…letting go of a bad relationship (once and for all), losing that final five pounds, running that extra mile or stepping out and taking a big risk career wise…I hope that this quote (from Ben) awakens something in you that was awakened in me…and I believe has changed my whole outlook: “If you want to do something, all you have to do is do it.”

1 comment:

  1. Your post about Ben reminds me of some TED talks I have watched. Many people in the education field have researched "change" .... Look up "the change curve." ---VERY interseting!