Thursday, May 24, 2012

Today feels like a good day for quitting

I am so frustrated. I made a commitment a couple of weeks ago to try and be out of the 180s by June 1st. It was difficult to get out of the 190s, but it has been even harder to get out of the 180s. Like, crazy hard. It’s not looking like I’m going to make my goal. I don’t know why my body is resisting, but I’m ready to heave these scales across the room. Every time I step on them, I feel like I’m on some hidden camera show where they are playing horrible tricks on me. I’m feeling all “why isn’t this easier?” I mean, some people can just do one thing and lose five freakin’ pounds. Not me. I feel like I have to turn my life upside down to lose even one meazly pound. I just don’t know what the hell is up…but I’m ready to give up. Call it quits…and order a damn pizza.

I’m sharing this because I’d be full of crap if I only shared the successful moments or moments when I feel totally up to it. Because that’s not real. It’s not life. Sometimes you try really hard and the reality is, you don’t see immediate results. Sometimes you want to just give up and say “forget this crap”. Because it’s one thing to know you aren’t doing what you are supposed to and therefore not seeing results. But it’s a whole new ballgame to actually be doing what you are supposed to and NOT see results. That’s so frustrating. And when people ask me questions like “well, are you eating healthy?”, “are you working out?” and “have you been giving it your all?” I just want to punch them in their face and say “no, you complete moron. I’m eating cheese fries for breakfast, sitting on the couch and half-assing it and expecting to lose weight.” 

But sometimes, when I look at the scale and am expecting to see some results and I don’t, it does make me want to drown myself in cheese fries and watch The Notebook. (Please tell me I’m not the only one.)

Well, I didn’t drown myself in cheese fries. And I didn’t watch The Notebook. But I did have a macadamia nut cookie. And it was good. Really good. I’m not going to commit diet suicide over the cookie. Even though (today) I feel like it. Because part of maturing is realizing I can’t always do what I feel. And by feel I mean swim in an ocean of spicy ranch dressing.
So, I’m gonna take a break from the scales for a few days. Because, frankly, I am mad at them and that is what you do when you are mad at an inanimate object – you ignore it or at least take a break from it. (It’s a lot like being mad at a real person.) Tomorrow is a new day. I will work out. I will eat healthy. Because I know (aka I hope) that eventually, it will make a difference and all be worth it. It will, right?

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