Excuses are like what?!

Excuses. My guess is that if you are from the South (or perhaps anywhere in the United States), you know the ole’ expression “Excuses are like butts. Everybody’s got one and they stink.” You know, I never really liked that expression. For one, it is not entirely accurate in its claims. Let’s say for instance, if you just took a bath, my guess is that your butt doesn’t stink. It probably smells quite lovely…especially if you used some of that fru-fru bath gel from Bath and Body Works. And secondly, most of my excuses do not stink. If excuses were a scent, mine would smell like the aroma of fresh pine of a cool spring day.

Okay, well, not really. 

I have to be honest here. Have you ever walked through the cosmetics department during the holidays? Whoa! I bet your little nostrils, like mine, were working major overtime. It is just too much. a spritz of this cologne here, a whoof there. By the time I walk out of Dillard’s during the peak of holiday shopping season, I have a smell-induced migraine. I think that is probably what my excuses smell like. One or two is okay, but a whole host of excuses just smell like…too much of the same thing.

There have been times in my life where I am filled to the brim with loads of excuses. Especially when it comes to weight loss. Perhaps these sound all too familiar…

I don’t have time to work out.

It’s summer. It’s too hot to work out.

It’s winter. It’s too cold to work out.

It’s spring. My allergies bother me too much to work out.

It’s fall. The kids have too much going on right now.

I’ll wait till summer gets here. I’ll have more time.

I’ll wait till school starts in the fall. I can be on more of a schedule then.

The gym costs too much.

There’s nothing but skinny bitches at the gym.

It’s raining outside.

It’s not raining outside and I want to enjoy this beautiful day not working out.

Eating healthy costs too much. I can get a McDouble for only $1!

I don’t have time to plan my meals and cook healthy.

I’m just big-boned. (This is my favorite)

I don’t like health food.

You only live once. I don’t wanna deprive myself.

I’m just not a runner.

I’m just gonna try some diet pills…or Sensa! Yeah, Sensa! All you do is sprinkle that on your food and bam! Instant weight loss.

I can’t get up at 5 a.m. and work out. I would be miserable.

I can’t work out when I get home from working all day. I’m too tired.

And those are just a few…

Wow. With these thoughts, it’s no wonder I let my 5’2” frame get to 205 pounds. I wanted all the benefits of being fit and healthy but wanted no part of the sacrifices it took to get there. My mindset was a spoiled little brat. I wanted it my way and made my own demands. The thing about that is, my body didn’t respond to my brattiness. My body, in a sense, just looked at me all stupid, crossed its arms and was like “Mmmhmmm. No she didn’t!” That’s why it took me so long to lose even the smallest bit of weight. I wanted to be lazy, eat whatever I wanted - all the while expecting the pounds to just melt away. (I sorta still hope for that, even though it’s highly delusional. Or at least I want to half-ass it some days.) But the truth is, that’s insane. Literally, I heard once that is the definition of insanity…doing the same thing but expecting different results. Except now I hear that insanity is a new workout DVD so I guess the joke is on me.

The point is this: we all have reasonable excuses. In the summer, it is hot. It is more expensive to eat healthy. It does take time to work-out and cook healthy. And there are and will always be skinny bitches at the gym who intimidate the hell out of me in their spandex. But my excuses do not get me any closer to my goal. So, what I have to do is find a way around my excuses. I’m not saying excuses aren’t valid. But in reality, at least for me, the more correct definition of my excuses would actually be inconveniences and a sense of discomfort. It is uncomfortable for me to workout when it’s hot. But I can do it. It is inconvenient for me to get up at 5 a.m. to workout. But I can do it. It is (highly) uncomfortable for me to wear my extra large ugly t-shirt at the gym while I huff and puff from walking on the treadmill and watch Barbie in her hot pink spandex run 10 miles without breaking a sweat. But I can (arggg!) do it. 

So, I guess I’ll go press play on my workout DVD now. Because Barbie isn’t here. It’s not hot. And I have the time.